Training Recap

I've done some thinking over the last year about this blog, and whether I wanted to continue with it once grad school was over.  For the last year, school has been so crazy that my running/training has been abysmal at best, and when you have a running blog with lackluster running, um... what's the point?

Right now I'm in the midst of a five week break from school.  Five.  Glorious.  Weeks.  Granted I'm still working full time, but other than that 40 hours a week, I have 128 hours that *I* get to decide what I do with.  I have approximately 15 books sitting on the end table in my living room, so that should give you some idea of what my plans are.  But I've also been RUNNING.

**Cue the confetti and celebratory high fives**

Spring in the midwest (albeit wildly unpredictable) is the BEST time to run.  Granted, we only get three weeks of spring, and fall for that matter, but it is a glorious three weeks.  It snowed on May 1st, so I'm hoping that we might get a smidge more good weather in early June before hot as hades hits.  I am incredibly slow right now.  Yes, running is all relative.  My slow could be your race pace (it's probably not), but it's slow for me, and I feel slow, and I don't like to be slow.  But it is what it is.

Before my long run last Saturday, I procrastinated by going through my training log from the last year.  The fact that I was able to go through it in a short amount of time should give you an idea of how little I've trained over the last year.  My last solid training effort was in March 2012.  I ran a semi decent race in Brookings in May 2012, and since then I've basically been setting PWs, or not racing.  Which is fine, you get out of running what you put in to it.  I don't deserve fast times.

However, my highest level of frustration with running has been over the last year.  I would get in to a groove of a couple of weeks of successful running.  Moderate amount of weekly mileage.  A long run for good measure, and I would end up hurt.  Repeat, 20,000 times (or so it feels).  I've never felt like quitting running more than I have over the last year.

This spring I picked up Chi Marathon.  I've implemented some of the running form suggestions, and it's making a world of difference **knocks on wood**.  If you're reading this, please also knock on wood for me, mmmk?  I've known for years that there is something wrong with my running form, because I always end up injured either after a hard race effort, or a higher mileage training cycle.  THIS IS NOT NORMAL.  I had pinpointed either heel striking or muscle weakness as the culprit (or both).  After looking at some of the "good" and "bad" running form pictures, it was pretty clear which category I fell into.  Hint:  bad.

When I run, and settle in to auto-pilot mode, I sit back on my heels and bop along.  This leads to over-striding, and when you're overs-triding, it's impossible to NOT heel strike.  Seriously.  Try it.  Not only was I heel striking, but I was also doing so with a completely straight leg.  Looking at race pictures makes me cringe.  When landing with that much force, you're essentially putting the brakes on, with every stride, not to mention forcing your joints (knees, hips) to take the shock of each step, via your IT band.  Seeing a pattern here?  Me too.

Examples?  Sure:

The trick that has helped me the most is the forward lean.  Immediately it shortens your stride, and helps to land your foot underneath you instead of way out in front of you.  I have to concentrate the ENTIRE RUN to make sure I'm leaning, landing with my knees slightly bent, foot directly underneath me.  Hopefully with time, it'll become second nature, because I miss my autopilot runs.

My pace is super slow because a) I'm out of shape and b) I'm using muscles that have never been used (or just rarely) before!  My calves are incredibly tight after each run.  Whenever people would complain about tight calves, I kind of always thought they were crazy.  :/  I did a speed workout this week, and my hammies were sore the whole next day.  Hammies are used for running??  Who knew??  And a muscle higher up in my quad is getting definition like I've never seen before.  So there's that too, I guess.

I'm slowly building up my mileage right now, doing the HR training thang, in hopes that I'm somewhere back to normal-ish paces by the time marathon training starts ~2 months.  I have a couple of 10ks, and possibly a 5k thrown in there as well to keep me motivated, and then I'm going to attempt Pfitz 18/55 yet again in mid-July.

So stick with me, I guess.  This may just turn in to a fully functioning running blog yet again!

I Got it From My Papa

The last five months have flown by in a blink of an eye.  I started a new job, which I love, and enjoy everyone I work with.  I had one of my toughest classes of my masters program (and subsequently got my first B.  Cataloging you are a 4.0 RUINER!)  And I just wrapped up 3 weeks of 3 classes/week for 5 hours/night.  So essentially on days that I had class, I was up at 5am to finish up homework, work til 5, class from 5:30-10:30pm, and repeat.  It... was tough, but so very worth it.

Also this semester my dad had a heart attack.  It was terrifying.  I was all gearing up for spring break, and a chance to breathe and get caught up on school work, and have time to run and relax, when I got a call from my mom.  He's fine, and got set up with a brand new ticker (pacemaker), but it was an extremely scary week, that's for sure.  Another thing I learned is that our family doesn't have the greatest hearts.  My dad's mom had an arhythmic heart beat, that eventually she needed to go on medicine to regulate.  My dad has the same thing, but was so severe that medicine wouldn't fix it, as the top half and bottom half of his heart no longer beat in tandem with each other.

And after listening to my dad explain what his heart has done for years and years, guess who else is a lucky one?  Me.  There have been times when my heart was beating so sporadically that I freaked out and went to the doctor, only to arrive, be hooked up to an EKG and have it be normal.  And there was a half marathon in 2008 that I was grossly unprepared for, in which my heart freaked out for over half of the race.

It only acts up when I'm stressed and when the heart itself is stressed--not running, except that one incident (from what I can tell).  I've never had any other instances where it has been weird while running, but I am being faithful to my HRM going forward just to be sure.  My dad, of course, freaked out, and said that I should quit running, and something to the effect of "well, the doctor said our hearts only have so many beats in them, and mine are all used up at 64, think of how much extra yours is beating from running!"  <--That may be an exaggeration, but that's what I took it as.  :)  I talked to a friend who is a nurse at the heart hospital, and told him my dad's fears.  He said running is one of the best things I can do to keep my heart strong, and that I should focus on eating healthy now so when the time comes, I will be a-ok with just medicine to control things as well.  Welp, ok.





























When I was home for Mother's Day, my dad was telling me a story from when he was in the forest service in Montana, before I was born.  They would have to run a certain distance 1/4 mile to 1 mile, I can't quite remember.  And they would have to do it while keeping their HR under a certain number.  He would fail every time unless he went and ran a mile or two before hand.  This makes total sense, as every time I do a race or hard workout, I do my best when I have a decent warm up, and then run a half mile hard-ish before actually attempting goal pace.  If I just go straight in to it, my HR goes skyhigh, and takes a couple of miles to come down.
This is probably a lot of babble, but I found this all pretty interesting.  Might as well learn something from a terrible thing, eh?

Marathon #6 on the Horizon

I had been counting down to Marathon Monday for months.  After starting my new job in January, I was super jazzed to realize that I have Monday mornings off so I could watch the coverage of the elite runner finishes in their entirety.  I shed tears over Kara's interview aired pre-race, I shed tears at the finish when Kara asked with her first breath "How'd Shalane do??"  And I ended the day in tears of shock and horror at what had happened at the finish line.

The running community is one of the most supportive and genuine groups that I am a member of.  While my running has taken a back seat over the last year + due to school commitments, I still consider myself a runner (albeit a much slower one).  Some of my best memories are race weekends with running besties, some of my closest relationships were founded because of running, and I am at my happiest when I'm devoting my time to the sport.

When Krista posted that she had signed up for the Madison Marathon, my interest was piqued.  I had been toying with signing up for TCM and then talking myself out of it EVERY time, because July will be a crazy month for school, and I am not in good enough running shape to pull the ol' 6 week marathon training cycle like Jenn, Megan, and I did for the Philly Marathon.  I had previously heard rumblings about the Madison race being moved to the fall, but had failed to see the official announcement.

I called Kyle to ask his thoughts:  YES!  You're so much happier when you're running all the time.  I think it's a great idea.  Do it!  And I fbooked Krista to be sure that I could snag a spot on her couch with kittehs for the weekend.  And boom.









I've been pouring through Chi Marathon and implementing its techniques.  The book recommends only running as far as you can while maintaining the proper form, so it is currently very slow going.  But I'm excited to be getting some miles in again.  And I'm excited for my grad program to be winding down.  And I'm excited to be pounding the pavement in Madison in November with all the Boston area runners, spectators, families, law enforcement, first responders, etc. etc. etc. heavily on my mind and in my heart.

A Day in the Life of Ollie

I know these "day in the life" posts used to be clever and unique approximately 5 years ago, so bear with me as I catch up to "cool."  Due to MLK day today, I get to spend a 3rd consecutive day with my little pug and I couldn't be happier.  I've also gotten her schedule memorized so I thought I'd share it with you.

7:30  Wake up.  Massive face itch/eye booger exchange on my blankets.  Prancing around my bed like a bunny or deer hops while I check twitter.  When I am finally awake enough, pug gets put down on the floor (my bed is super high, so she's too chicken to jump off.  I'm thankful for this.)

7:45  Pug freaks out about STARVING.  Clearly she has never eaten before in her life.  Insert whining, weird yipping, and really really fast spinning in a circle as I try to make my way to the kitchen.  If I should happen to use the bathroom instead of heading straight for the kitchen, I get a pug jumping up in my lap while I er.. go.  Kitchen it is.

7:50  Inhale 1/2 cup of ridiculous expensive, grain free crap free, better food than I eat.  (Pugs have a ton of allergies and issues with their digestive systems, so only the best for OLL$E.)

7:51 Check around bowl for any scraps.  Sniff out any crumbs that may be hiding on the kitchen floor.

7:52  Bathroom break.  If it's cold and mom is taking you out, decide not to go 90% of the time.  Wait until mom's fingers and toes have turned yellow due to raynaud's and then start shivering to come inside.

8:00 Watch mom get ready for work.

8-8:45 Assume position on the couch.  Wait for mom to add all blankets and pillows to the couch for a truly delightful all-day lounging experience.  Give mom a kiss for her efforts.  Watch her until she departs.

8:45-6:15  Nap

Variations--

10:15/noon/2:15  Kyle will usually come home on one of his breaks to let her out.

If in the 90% window of no potty break before work, chances are someone will leave a present in the hallway.  "But mom!  It's not cold and snowy in the hallway!  It's nice and fluffy!"

6:15  Key in the lock, Ollie jumps to attention and readies herself for freak out mode.  MOOOOOOOOOOOOOM'S HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME!

6:15:30  Weird spinning, yipping, lots of licking, awkward pug butt-low-to-the-ground running while I attempt to put her harness on.

6:16   Potty break.  Lots of sniffing.  Wants to play with ALL OF THE DOGS BECAUSE THEY'RE SO LOVELY!

6:30  STARVING AGAIN.  FOOD.  MUST HAVE.

6:31  Sniffing everywhere for food that may have spilled.

6:33  Settle back on the couch for more lounging.

6:30-10pm Variations

If I have class, she likes to sit on my lap on a pillow and get her edumacationz on.  Ollie the Pugbrarian.  If no class, couch sitting positions may include, by my feet, on my feet, on my stomach, on my back/shoulder, over/on my head.

10pm  Bedtime.  Wake Ollie up.  Carry her or she follows me to the bedroom (if she's not super duper sleepy from her 4 hour nap).  Put her on the bed in her spot, cover her up, stick feet next to her warm little pug buddy since they still haven't warmed up from any of her potty breaks because my circulation blows.

10:00-10:15  Pre-bedtime itching/licking aka bathtime.

10:15pm-7am  Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeping.  As long as she's tucked in under the covers she doesn't snore, and then she gets to sleep with me.  Otherwise she gets the boot.  Poor pug.

One 2013 Goal Done

No sooner then I had drafted my 2013 goal blog post, and scheduled its publish date, did I receive a phone call with the potential to cross one of the goals off of my list:

• Nab my dream job.  Or one that will lead to my dream job.  I love my job as a library assistant at an academic library, but my passion is within the public library, working with children.

Without setting out to do so, I received a phone call asking if I'd like to be considered for a position I had interviewed for, and heartbreakingly was not offered, last February.  And with six short looooooooooong days of worrying, obsessing, willing the phone to ring, I received the offer.

Cue franatic freak out.

I accepted the position, and today is my last day at my current job.  I never thought I'd want to work in an academic library, but I was willing to try my alma mater to see if academia would change my mind.   I enjoyed it much more than I thought I would, particularly helping students with research (I mega puffy heart love research) and interacting with college kids.  But I know that my passion lies in helping the greater public, and eventually, hopefully children and youth.

So goodbye Augustana College, and hello public library world. 

Gym Rant

In my "fallen off the running bandwagon" phase, I have also lost a bit of my tough ass runner girl schtick as well.  Meaning that when it's below zero temps and/or wind chill, I will be a-runnin' on the treadmill.  Luckily I'm not running *that* many miles yet, so the treadmill won't kill me.  And I am alternating with outdoor running when the temps/road conditions allow.  I am also lucky in that my apartment has a small gym with a couple of treadmills, a stationary bike, an elliptical and a small little weight set.

I'm also lucky that there is rarely anyone in there, so I can crack open the window to let in the freezing air.  Ahhhhhhhh.

But one night I wasn't so lucky.  Shortly after the new year, I was running away on the "good" treadmill (every small gym has this.... a treadmill that is awesome, and a treadmill that just blows) when a teeny tiny barely clad in workout clothes gal came in and hopped on the treadmill next to me.

Let me point out, that I am hardly the person to be silently snickering about someone's workout habits.  I have a total cheerleader approach to working out no matter what it is you enjoy doing, how you do it, what you look like while doing it, etc.  But... BUT.... BUT!!! this girl drove me up a wall.

It started out innocently enough.  She started the treadmill, bringing the pace to a speed faster than mine.  I was running a 3 mile recovery run the day after my first speed session in eons, so I was running SLOW.  I resisted the urge to race her like a good runner girl.  Also?  If I had tried my legs wouldn't have allowed me too.  This information, not annoying.

Moving on.

The gym set up is as follows, left wall--floor to ceiling mirror, treadmill to its immediate right--crappy TM and the one this chick is on, I'm on the TM next to her.  Ahead of us is a tiny pool and windows.  You can't really see yourself in the reflection.  I tried one day when my knee was smarting a bit while running to see if my form was being wonky.

In the 20 odd minutes that I was running next to her, this gal spent 85% of it staring at herself in the mirror to her left.  Like head craned at a completely unnaturally, uncomfortable 90 degree angle.  Not only is this incredibly narcissistic, but it's also totally unsafe.  I totally get that sometimes it's nice to check your reflection and think "dang, this body looks good, yo!"  Or at least that's what I assume your jock homie inner dialogue sounds like, but to do it almost the entire time you're running?  Seems... weird.

In addition to this, she would also hold herself up on the railings of the treadmill (while checking herself out in the mirror, sooooooooo talented!) every 20 or so seconds, presumably to give herself a rest?  I dunno.  I've seen people do this before, and I don't get it.  It's not like she had anything to prove.  I was essentially crawling on the TM next to her.  Makes so much more sense to me to just run at a manageable pace and to take walk breaks if necessary, right?

Drove me up a wall.

I guess that's the perk of running outdoors.  If someone annoys you, you can just speed up or slow down to get away.

101 in 1001 Check In

I started 101 goals to be accomplished in 1001 days back in March 2011.  I thought this would be fun, because I rarely set goals further than a year out, and long term goals are just as important as the short ones.  I also have a tendency to have a terrible memory, so if something isn't written down I won't remember it.  I spent a long time crafting this list, looking at many others for inspiration, and putting out some "dream big" goals of my own.  I set my 30th birthday as my final 1001st day.  Since I'm nearing the final year of my goals, I thought it'd be fun to take a look back at the goals, and strategize how I'll accomplish the remaining ones.

I hope to accomplish something off the list each weekend, even if it's to watch a movie that's on one of the lists!  And I vow to look at the list whenever I complain about being bored and want Kyle to do something fun with me.

The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).

Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as New Year's resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organizing and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

in progress: italic / completed: bold
Goal Start Date: March 30, 2011
Goal End Date: December 26, 2013 (The Big 3-0!)


Life
Take a photography class  I may settle for some one-on-one photography instruction from friends that are great photographers.
Fall in love
Get accepted into master’s program (4.27.11)
Go to a Packers game at Lambeau  We were planning to attend a Packers game this fall, but it didn't work out with our schedules.  This will happen in 2013.
Get a library position (8.13.12)

Grow an herb garden  This could be hard if we stay in the same place, but perhaps a small little potted herb garden on our deck would be feasible.
Go on a brewery tour (several in San Fran with Megan 10.12.12)



Connect
Meet 5 new people (2/5 Niki who came up for the Sioux Falls Marathon, Dominique long time bloggy buddy at the Dallas Marathon expo and race.)  Keep on keepin' on.


Make 3 new friends (4/3 New running buddy Karla, Kyle's bff's gf Liz, two new co-workers)


Meet 3 bloggy friends (3/3 Met Lisa at the Fargo Marathon 5.20.11, met Susan for Twin Cities Marathon weekend 9.30.11, met Shawn enroute to Philly for the Philadelphia Marathon 11.18.11)
Send 5 letters/cards to friends that don’t live nearby
Join a running club (ran with the Runners Block group several times)
Make a new running buddy (Rachel!  Yay!)
Call (skype) one person each month I haven’t spoken with in awhile (4/33) Definitely need to pick up the slack on this one.  Need to plan a more frequent catch up with my nephew Harrison for sure, and friends with little ones.
Send Christmas card/letter  I took an adorable pic of Ollie and sent out the image (or technically posted it to my blog, facebook, and instagram, but a full on letter is in the cards for Christmas 2013.
Send a random care package to 3 friends (1/3 2 are sitting around waiting for me to mail them.  oops.)  STILL need to send these out.  Yikes.
Join a stitch and bitch group (tried but meeting times conflicted with class)  Working to start one at work with one of the librarians for January!
Host a swap party with friends  I was envisioning this to be a clothes swap party, but most of my friends and I aren't the same size.... Not sure if this'll work out.

Travel  There is no way that my finances will allow for travel outside of the U.S. by the end of 2013, so getting a passport, leaving the country, and due to $$$, go on a cruise will be crossed off the list.

Get my passport
Take a trip and leave the country
Go on a cruise
Go to NYC  Hopefully a trip to see Susan is still in the cards for next Fall!
Skate at the Rockefeller Center
Go on a vacation that doesn’t revolve around running/racing (mini-vacation with Kyle 2.17.12, and 12.14.12)
Take a random road trip I'm such a planner that nothing is ever "random."  What IS a random road trip anyway??

Running and Fitness  You can tell that many of these goals were set while I was on a major running high with awesome race performances.  Given my battle with injuries, many of these are no longer feasible.  Waaaaaaah.

Run a Boston Qualifying Marathon
Win a race  There's always a chance in small 5ks in the summer.  Maybe I'll stalk a good one!
Run 200 miles in one month (working on this for March 2012--didn't happen)  Definitely doable once I get my mileage up there again.
Run 60 miles in one week Ditto above.
Complete half Ironman
Bike a century race  Megan and I are potentially planning to do one of these in June!  Yay biking!
Run Sub 4 hour marathon  The jury is still out as to if I'll run a marathon in 2013, but if all goes well, this goal isn't out of the question.
Sub 3:50 marathon
Sub 1:50 half marathon  The 100th time is the charm, right?
Sub 50 min 10k (5.7.11)
Run 22xx 5k  I <3 speedwork, so this could be fun.
Run the Goofy Challenge  Still a SMALL possibility to do this in 2014 as my graduation gift to myself (which is technically after the end date, but only by a couple of weeks).
Run NYC marathon (applied for lottery for 2012, didn't get in)
Do 100 pushups  Good tough goal!
Take a bikram yoga class (12.26.12 birthday sweatfest!)


Crafty and Creative
Decide on Scarves for PRs logo (Megan created a sweet one! plus it's green!)
Create Scarves for PRs business cards  I don't have time to crochet currently, so I've backed off almost completely from making scarves unless sought out by someone.  Maybe I'll get excited to make them again next fall.  
Start Scarves for PRs Etsy shop (no longer plan to do this, maybe once grad school is over!)
Create blog business cards (meh, that'd mean I'd have to blog consistently)
Complete 52 photo project (1.4.12)
Take a photo every day for 1 month (done January 2012)
Create 5 new Etsy items to sell (0/5)  ditto to above notes
Paint bookshelf
Learn to knit
Start t-shirt quilt
Complete t-shirt quilt
Decorate office (new job, no longer have an office)
Make office artwork (see above)
Take photos for all completed projects (as applicable)


Book Worm
Read 15 classic novels (currently reading Little Women and Pride and Prejudice)  I need to do some MAJOR work on this one.  I will plan to do 3/month once I'm done with school to get me 15 by the end of 2013.
Read a book in a day (6.20.11 Normal Gets You Nowhere)
Get book tattoo (slated for graduation 8.13!)
Join a book club (4.14.11 attended 2nd lunchtime book club)


Health
Get wisdom teeth removed  Don't wanna slash ouch slash $$$$.
Have moles checked (7.2012, and one removed, ouch and $$$)
Stop tanning (have not visited a tanning salon since 12.2011 1x)
Find out my blood type (9.2012, O+!)
Donate blood (9.24.12)
Get a professional massage (7.12.11)


House and Home
Donate Clothes 2x/year (fall/spring) (3/5)
Clean Coat closet (5.12, slightly cheating because I moved, but I cleaned and purged!
Clean Bedroom closet (5.12, ditto above)
Thaw Freezer (5.12, ditto above)
Decorate kitchen No kitchen space to decorate, will switch this to dining room.  I know what artwork I want to put in there but haven't seen the exact thing to buy yet.
Finish decorating living room  Kyle! Grab your hammer and nails.
Transfer files from old computer (didn't happen before it was trashed, if I haven't accessed it in 5 years, I probably don't need it)
Get rid of old computer (sell/donate/trash) (5.12)
Back up MacBook (I have tried to do this but I must be d-u-m-b)
Purge wardrobe of anything I haven't worn in the past two years  My name is Jeri, and I'm a hoarder.  [Hi jeri]


Finances
Pay off car  I calculated how much I'd have to pay each month to accomplish this and it's not feasible.  I do plan to up my payment to take care of it sooner than the 5 years originally planned.
Go one week without spending any money at all (not including direct debits for bills etc.)  Must get groceries, pack lunches, and then I should be golden.
Pay off road bike (6.3.11)


Entertainment
Kiss in the rain
Ride in a hot air balloon
Go golfing
Go ice skating
Go ice fishing I'm sure I could accomplish this any weekend this winter by hopping in the truck with Kyle.  But brrrr.  Trip currently planned for January 18th weekend.
Watch 10 of the top 50 IMDb movies  Need to decide which movies and GO.
Watch all 2011 Oscar nominated movies (Black Swan 5.18.11, The Fighter 5.1.11, Inception, The Kids Are All Right 1.26.12, The King’s Speech, 127 Hours 5.8.11, The Social Network 4.3.11, Toy Story 3, True Grit 2.4.12, Winter’s Bone)
Watch all 2012 Oscar nominated movies (The Help 1.16.12, Midnight in Paris 1.22.12, The Artist, The Descendants 3.22.12, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Hugo 3.4.12, Moneyball 3.12, The Tree of Life 3.6.12, War Horse)
Watch all 2013 Oscar nominated movies  These have been my favorites to work on, because I have watched movies I never would've picked up.  Can't wait for the 2013 list to be up, I haven't seen any of the predicted nominees yet!
See a 3D movie
See a psychic and get my fortune told
Go to a roller derby match
Go to a wine tasting
Go to the Harry Potter theme park
Rewatch LOST! (currently rewatching Season 1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Make sushi rolls at home
Go to a Drive in movie
Watch a meteor shower (summer 2011, I don't remember the exact date)


Random
Make a fabulous dessert I’ve never made before
Write a letter to myself to open in 10 years
Write down everything that happens on 11/11/11 and 12/12/12 (11.11.11 Tom & Sara got married and I got to celebrate with them! 12.12.12 I went to work, wore green and gold in honor of Wisconsin's Aaron Rodgers day, ordered pizza with my Wednesday afternoon students, snuggled on the couch with my pug and finished my final paper for the semester!)
Invest in a digital SLR camera I still want to buy one, but it's not a top priority currently.
Encourage someone to make a list (1.3.13 yay! Convinced Megan to make one!)
Get a pet (6.8.12 And Ollie is the love of my life!)