Views from Heaven

A year ago today, my mom passed away. When everyone says the first year is the hardest, I hope they're right. All the firsts without her: Christmas, birthdays, holidays, and just all the moments where you reach for your phone just to check in, or share a happy moment, or seeking advice for a frustrated situation, only to realize that she won't be there to pick up. I can certainly say the first year has been hard.

Long before my mom got sick, we were talking about death and dying and she mentioned that once she passed she'd find as many ways to come back and say hi as she could. She mentioned it again while she was sick, and I knew she wouldn't break a promise. Over the last year I've had so many moments where she's popped in to say hello or check on me, some crazy and unexplainable (just like her, ha) and some super small and easy to miss if you weren't looking for them. Luckily for me, I've been looking for them. And they always come when I need her the most. Because that's how she's always been as a mom. Always there for me, even when I don't need her, or think I don't, but even more so when I admit I do.

When I was a little kid, I used to love looking up at the clouds. Whenever the sun would be spilling through the clouds I always pictured everyone up in heaven looking down on all their loved ones, sharing a bit of their love and the beauty of heaven. I hadn't really thought about that until last Friday when I went for a run. I started off, and then went back to my vehicle for my phone. It was a recovery run, so why not snap some pictures or send some texts along the way. 

And then this was my view for the first mile. Light beaming down from the heavens. Just when I needed it.

Miss you like crazy mom.

An Update About My Mom

An update about my mama, previously posted on the page she created to keep people up to date on my dad and her health journey:

I apologize to everyone who is receiving this information for the first time via this message. My mom has touched so many lives so deeply that it would take me a few lifetimes to call everyone individually that deserves to hear the sad news.

My mom left us Wednesday night, August 24th. She fought a battle harder than anyone could, for much longer than anyone should. She knew it was the end, and was ready to go, but I think she waited around a little bit longer to make sure that we were ready to let her. Because that's who my mom is, stubborn and bossy, but the most self-less person the world has ever seen. If we had asked her to wait forever, she would have.

That day was filled with a lot of communication that I couldn't quite understand, but she did have some moments of real clarity. When I first saw her yesterday morning, and was upset, she woke up, hugged me and told me “It'll be okay.” And she's right, as always. It'll be okay because she's finally pain free and at peace. It'll take awhile for the rest of the world to truly feel okay, but it is comforting to know she was so at peace with the end so near.

My mom didn't want to have a funeral. And because she's bossy, we're going to go with her wishes. Instead she wanted us to have a giant party. At the moment I don't feel like celebrating, but we'll honor that in the near future as well.

In the meantime, honor her and her life in your own way. Go to the beach, put your feet in the sand, strum a guitar and sing at the top of your lungs, laugh so uproariously that other classrooms have to shut their doors to keep out the “distraction”, snuggle your pets, love a loved one.

It's such a beautiful life to live to be so dearly missed by so many people. She loved all of you so much. Thank you for all of the prayers and kind words, comfort and help you have offered and given over the last year.