Don't Be Afraid

I was whining to Kyle the other night about how slow I (still) am, and he responded with something that has been on my mind since then, "It's all mental Jerbear. You're just afraid of doing it." Since I'm always right, I immediately wanted to tell him, "Nuh-uh!" But I think he's right.

Since starting up training again late last spring, I have been tippie-toeing around my training, modifying my training program(s) like crazy, treating my body with kid gloves, wishing on all of the stars that it stays whole and healthy for me. And knowing the ups and downs I've had with running over the last four years, part of that is being a smart runner.  But another part is being afraid.

I'm afraid to push it when running intervals, heck, I'm afraid to DO intervals, because I know that my injuries tend to flair up when I'm doing speedwork. But you know what? If I don't practice running fast with my new running form, I'll either a) be slow forever or b) be broken as soon as I do try to run fast/train fast because my form will still be all jacked up.

I'm afraid to go for a run when my IT band has a giant knot in it.  Ok, it's probably smart to sit a run out because I know this causes knee/hip pain, but if I HAVE a giant knot in my IT band I probably need to figure out why.

I'm afraid of running tempo runs, and highly embarrassed to fail at them or post slow times compared to what I used to be capable of running, but if I don't do them, I will never get back to those previous tempo paces.

This post is pretty negative, but it's been a good eye opening last few days.  Unfortunately there is a fine line between being a smart runner and a broken runner for me, but I need to learn to not be so afraid to push the limits every once in awhile.  Now that I've worked to build up a fairly solid base, I'll be able to add in some more speed this winter and spring.  And in the back of my mind, my mantra will be "Don't be afraid, push your limits."  Because I think there's still a speedy runner in my legs, somewhere.  She just needs to get her @$$ kicked a little to come out.