A year ago today, my mom passed away. When everyone says the first year is the hardest, I hope they're right. All the firsts without her: Christmas, birthdays, holidays, and just all the moments where you reach for your phone just to check in, or share a happy moment, or seeking advice for a frustrated situation, only to realize that she won't be there to pick up. I can certainly say the first year has been hard.
Long before my mom got sick, we were talking about death and dying and she mentioned that once she passed she'd find as many ways to come back and say hi as she could. She mentioned it again while she was sick, and I knew she wouldn't break a promise. Over the last year I've had so many moments where she's popped in to say hello or check on me, some crazy and unexplainable (just like her, ha) and some super small and easy to miss if you weren't looking for them. Luckily for me, I've been looking for them. And they always come when I need her the most. Because that's how she's always been as a mom. Always there for me, even when I don't need her, or think I don't, but even more so when I admit I do.
When I was a little kid, I used to love looking up at the clouds. Whenever the sun would be spilling through the clouds I always pictured everyone up in heaven looking down on all their loved ones, sharing a bit of their love and the beauty of heaven. I hadn't really thought about that until last Friday when I went for a run. I started off, and then went back to my vehicle for my phone. It was a recovery run, so why not snap some pictures or send some texts along the way.
And then this was my view for the first mile. Light beaming down from the heavens. Just when I needed it.
Miss you like crazy mom.